Why Do Guys Pretend to Want a Relationship (15 Reasons and What to Do)

Understanding why some men present themselves as relationship-ready when they’re not can save you time, energy, and heartache.

These insights help you recognize authentic intentions from the start and make informed decisions about who deserves your emotional investment.

1. They Want Physical Intimacy Without Commitment

Many men understand that women often prefer emotional connection before physical intimacy.

By presenting themselves as relationship-minded, they gain access to physical experiences without having to invest in actual commitment.

This strategy allows them to enjoy the benefits of a relationship while maintaining the freedom to leave whenever they choose.

They might talk about future plans or use relationship language to create false intimacy. You’ll notice inconsistencies between their words and actions.

They’re eager for physical closeness but avoid deeper conversations about exclusivity, meeting family, or long-term planning.

What to do: Take physical intimacy slowly and pay attention to whether their interest in you extends beyond the physical.

Genuine relationship interest includes emotional and intellectual connection, not just chemistry.

2. They’re Afraid of Being Alone

Some men pretend to want relationships because they can’t handle being single.

They jump from one relationship to another, using the pretense of serious interest to avoid facing loneliness or self-reflection.

These men often seem eager to define the relationship quickly but lack substance in their emotional investment. They want the comfort and companionship of partnership without the work of building genuine connection.

Their fear of solitude makes them settle for any available relationship rather than waiting for the right person.

You might feel like a placeholder rather than someone specially chosen. Men who are comfortable alone make better partners than those running from solitude.

What to do: Look for signs that he enjoys his own company and has a fulfilling life outside of relationships.

3. They Enjoy the Chase More Than the Relationship

The pursuit phase of relationships provides excitement, validation, and ego boosts that some men find addictive.

Once they’ve “won” your interest, the thrill diminishes and they lose motivation to maintain the connection.

These men often present themselves as very serious about relationships during the courtship phase, pulling out all the stops to win you over.

However, their enthusiasm fades once you’re emotionally invested. The passionate pursuit gives way to casual indifference.

You might notice a dramatic shift in their effort level once you’ve expressed strong feelings or agreed to exclusivity.

What to do: Pay attention to how men treat you after you’ve shown clear interest.

Genuine relationship-seekers maintain consistent effort throughout the connection, not just during the chase phase.

4. They’re Testing Their Options

Some men use the pretense of wanting a relationship to keep multiple women interested while they decide who they like best.

This allows them to maintain several connections without having to commit to any single person.

They might give each woman just enough attention and relationship talk to keep her interested, while comparing options and shopping around for the best fit.

You’ll notice they’re never quite ready to make things official, despite talking about relationships in general terms.

They keep conversations vague about exclusivity while maintaining mysterious gaps in their schedule.

What to do: Ask direct questions about exclusivity and pay attention to how they respond.

Someone genuinely interested in you won’t hesitate to discuss becoming exclusive when the timing feels right.

5. They’re Rebounding From a Previous Relationship

Men coming out of serious relationships sometimes convince themselves and others that they’re ready for new commitment when they’re actually still processing their previous relationship.

They might genuinely believe they want a relationship because that’s what feels familiar and comfortable.

However, they haven’t done the emotional work necessary to be available for new love. You might feel like you’re competing with memories of their ex.

Their enthusiasm for relationships comes from missing what they had rather than being ready to build something new with you.

What to do: Ask about their relationship history and how much time has passed since their last serious commitment.

Be cautious with men who ended long-term relationships very recently, regardless of their stated readiness.

6. They Want the Social Status of Being in a Relationship

Having a girlfriend provides social advantages like appearing stable, mature, and desirable to friends, family, and colleagues.

Some men pursue relationships for these external benefits rather than genuine emotional connection.

They might be eager to introduce you to their social circle and present themselves as part of a couple, but show less interest in private emotional intimacy between just the two of you.

Their motivation focuses on how the relationship makes them look rather than how it makes them feel. They treat you more like an accessory than a true partner.

What to do: Notice whether his interest in you seems genuine or performative.

Men who want relationships for the right reasons care more about your connection than about how you make them appear to others.

7. They’re Trying to Get Over Someone Else

Using new relationships to forget about previous romantic interests is common but unfair to the new person.

They might convince themselves that finding someone new will help them move on.

These men often seem eager to jump into relationship-like behaviors quickly, but their emotional investment feels hollow or distracted.

They’re using you as emotional medicine rather than genuinely caring about you.

You might notice them comparing you to someone else, either favorably or unfavorably.

Their interest in you seems tied to how well you help them forget about their previous romantic interest.

What to do: Trust your instincts if something feels off about their emotional availability.

Someone who’s truly ready for a new relationship won’t be constantly referencing or thinking about someone else.

8. They Want the Benefits Without the Responsibility

Relationships provide emotional support, companionship, and care that some men want to receive without reciprocating equally.

They present themselves as partners while expecting to be taken care of. They want a girlfriend who functions more like a supportive friend with benefits.

These men often love having someone to talk to about their problems, celebrate their successes, and provide emotional comfort, but they don’t offer the same level of support in return.

Their version of a relationship involves getting their needs met while avoiding the work of meeting yours.

What to do: Pay attention to the balance of give and take in your early interactions.

Healthy relationships involve mutual support and care, not one-sided emotional labor.

9. They’re Pressured by Family or Social Expectations

External pressure from family members, friends, or social expectations sometimes motivates men to pursue relationships when they’re not internally motivated to commit.

They might feel like they should be in a relationship because of their age, career stage, or family expectations, leading them to go through the motions without genuine enthusiasm.

Their pursuit of a relationship feels dutiful rather than passionate.

They seem to be checking boxes rather than following their heart or building genuine connection with you.

What to do: Look for authentic enthusiasm about being with you specifically, not just about having a girlfriend in general. Genuine interest feels personal and passionate, not obligatory.

10. They Lack Self-Awareness About Their True Intentions

Some men genuinely believe they want relationships but haven’t examined their deeper motivations or emotional availability.

They confuse wanting companionship with being ready for commitment. They think they want a relationship until the reality sets in.

These men might not be deliberately deceptive but simply lack insight into their own emotional patterns and needs.

Their confusion about their own intentions creates mixed signals and inconsistent behavior that leaves you wondering where you stand with them.

What to do: Look for men who demonstrate self-awareness through their words and actions.

People who understand themselves make more reliable partners than those who are still figuring out what they want.

11. They’re Addicted to the Validation

The attention, affection, and validation that come from someone being interested in them can become addictive for men with low self-esteem or insecurity issues.

They pursue relationships primarily for the ego boost of being wanted and loved, rather than because they want to give love and build something meaningful with another person.

Once they’ve secured your interest and the validation that comes with it, they might lose motivation to maintain the relationship or look for additional sources of validation elsewhere.

What to do: Notice whether they seem more interested in how you make them feel about themselves than in who you are as a person.

Healthy relationships involve mutual appreciation, not one-sided ego feeding.

12. They Want to Avoid Difficult Life Issues

Some men use relationships as distractions from personal problems like career uncertainty, family issues, financial stress, or mental health concerns that they don’t want to address directly.

Having a relationship provides emotional escape and something positive to focus on instead of dealing with challenging aspects of their lives that require attention and work.

They might seem very invested in the relationship initially but pull away when their personal issues resurface or when the relationship can no longer serve as an adequate distraction.

What to do: Pay attention to how they handle stress and personal challenges. Men who are ready for relationships address their problems directly rather than using romance as escapism.

13. They’re Confused About Love and Attachment

Some men have never experienced healthy relationships and confuse intense attraction, infatuation, or codependency with genuine love and readiness for commitment.

Their understanding of relationships might be based on unhealthy examples from their family or past experiences, leading them to pursue connections that feel familiar but aren’t actually healthy.

They might be very passionate and intense initially but lack the emotional skills necessary to build sustainable, healthy relationships over time.

What to do: Look for emotional maturity and healthy relationship skills rather than just intensity or passion. Strong relationships require more than strong feelings.

14. They’re People-Pleasers Who Can’t Say No

Men who struggle with setting boundaries might agree to pursue relationships even when they’re not truly interested, simply because they don’t want to disappoint or hurt anyone.

These men often seem agreeable and easy-going but lack genuine enthusiasm or initiative in the relationship.

They go along with what you want rather than expressing their own desires.

Their inability to be honest about their feelings creates relationships built on false foundations, where you think you’re both invested but only you truly want to be there.

What to do: Look for men who can express their own preferences and sometimes disagree with you.

Healthy relationships require two people who can be authentic, not one person constantly accommodating the other.

15. They’re Trying to Change Their Patterns

Some men recognize that their previous approach to dating hasn’t worked and decide to try pursuing relationships even though their underlying attitudes haven’t actually changed.

They might have been players or commitment-phobes who think that simply changing their behavior will lead to different results, without doing the internal work necessary for genuine transformation.

Their new relationship-focused approach feels forced or performative rather than natural, because it doesn’t reflect authentic internal change but rather an attempt to modify external behavior.

What to do: Look for evidence of genuine personal growth and self-reflection, not just changed behavior.

Real transformation involves internal work and usually takes significant time and effort.

How to Protect Yourself

Trust your instincts when something feels off about someone’s intentions or behavior. Pay attention to actions over words, especially over time.

Your gut feelings often pick up on inconsistencies before your logical mind processes them fully.

People can maintain false personas for short periods, but genuine intentions reveal themselves through consistent behavior patterns.

Don’t rush into emotional or physical intimacy before you’ve had time to observe their true character and motivations.

Taking things slowly protects your heart and gives you time to evaluate their authenticity.

Ask direct questions about what they’re looking for and pay attention to how comfortable they are with these conversations.

People with genuine intentions welcome clear communication about relationship goals.

Red Flags to Watch For

Notice if their enthusiasm for the relationship seems disproportionate to how well they actually know you.

Genuine interest grows over time as people get to know each other better. Mixed signals often indicate mixed intentions.

Be cautious if they avoid talking about the future or making concrete plans that extend beyond a few weeks.

People who want real relationships naturally think ahead and include you in their planning.

Watch for inconsistencies between what they say and what they do, especially regarding time, attention, and emotional availability.

Pay attention to how they treat other people in their lives, including friends, family, and service workers. Character reveals itself through patterns of behavior across all relationships.

Building Healthy Relationship Standards

Know what you want from a relationship and communicate these needs clearly.

Men with genuine intentions will appreciate your honesty and work to meet your reasonable expectations.

Don’t compromise your core values or relationship goals to accommodate someone who isn’t truly available.

The right person will want the same things you want at roughly the same timeline. Independence helps you evaluate relationships more objectively.

Maintain your own life, interests, and social connections rather than immediately merging your life with someone new.

Seek relationships with men who have demonstrated the ability to maintain long-term commitments in various areas of their lives, not just romantically but also professionally and in friendships.

Conclusion

Recognizing these patterns helps you identify authentic relationship intentions and protect your emotional investment.

Trust actions over words and prioritize men who demonstrate genuine availability and commitment.